peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
