Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
