how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
