Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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