Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
