nut hugger
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My vagina just recognized that song.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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