I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
