True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
