New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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