let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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