Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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