Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
