I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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