Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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