My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
