Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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