hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
