Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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