So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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