duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
