tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
