does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
