Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize