take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
