I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
