i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
