So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Everyone says I win the strip club
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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