afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
