Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
