I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
