I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
