I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
