im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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