she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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