What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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