bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
