Can i not drive my cunt home
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
