Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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