she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
