UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
