Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
