there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
