3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize