No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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