I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
