he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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