I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
