if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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