apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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