Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
