just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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