If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
