I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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