she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
