Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
