Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
