Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
