She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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