so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
