She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Randomize
