God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
