so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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