I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
