My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
