did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just high enough for therapy.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
