the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
