you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
no you cant smoke seaweed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
