Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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