she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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