I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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