I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
